Originally, I was working on
a piece about time travel, when I noticed that I had run out of time. Instead
of just giving my usual excusses, I thought I'd show you somnthing that just
came to me out of nowhere. (Literally. I heard three short energy pulses in
my backyard; on the third, there was a small puff of smoke and a manila folder
fell to the ground.) The folder said that this information was classified,
but it was also dated a few hundred years in the future, so I'm sure we'll
all have forgoten by the time it would be an issue.
The following documents have been recovered
from wreckage of the time-ship the U.S.S. Kinder:
rediscovered [date]
The Society of Penguins
1. History:
The first purple penguins will be created
in the year 3983 in a lab on Pluto when scientists are experimenting with
time manipulation in genetics. After much experimentation, penguins are found
to be the most accepting of the genetic changes. The attempt to put a fourth
dimensional twist in the genetic structure of several penguins was a success;
the resulting purple penguins (penguanis violetus), unfortunately, had gained
other traits which made them too dangerous to study. For starters, they
were born a deep red just beyond the visible color spectrum and were only
observable for a couple years before becoming a shade of purple just beyond
the other end of the color spectrum. And so, like all good scientists who
made a mistake would do, they dumped the unstable, fourth dimensional critters
out of sight, on Pluto’s moon, Charon.
2. Components of their culture:
Variations:
The main result of the fourth dimensional twist in the
penguins’ DNA caused most penguins to be born into anti-time, growing older
as time moves backwards. These are commonly referred to as sniugnep.
Similarly, when sniugnep give birth, their offspring
usually grow up in standard time as penguins.
Because of this back and forth movement through
time, they are simultaneously in several stages of development. In order
to avoid interfering with their own history, more advanced penguins (and reversly
advanced sniugnep) move to a new area and develop a new “time-zone.”
Language:
The language of the penguins is a combination of several
Earth languages (primarily English and Japanese) which was taught to early
penguins by later generations who had developed technology to monitor television
broadcasts from Earth. The sniugnep developed this technology around 2003,
Earth time and observed human society well into the 1980’s before they could
translate our “backwards” language.
Values:
The penguins have a very loose attitude about death –
comparable to lemmings. This is because their manmade genetics make them
prone to random, spontaneous combustion. Until combustion occurs, however,
life, is very precious to them. Whenever a penguin or niugnep is born, a
set of parents that live the opposite direction in time will be/have already
been selected to raise the penguin/niugnep.
Norms:
Spontaneous penguin combustion is a part of everyday
life on Charon. About 3.14 seconds before a penguin vaporizes, his or her
body will slip back through the color spectrum to a bright green.
sniugneP, on the other hand, are often seen imploding
into existence, a shade of bright green. Roughly three seconds later, they
will have adjusted their color to purple and proceed to live their backward
life.
3. Value System:
Because purple penguins coexist
in both time and anti-time, there is always potential for someone to make
a mess of the space-time-continuum. They continually strive to maintain
order in the continuum. Most of these values came from a trilogy of Earth
documentaries entitled, erutuF eht ot kcaB
4. Social interaction:
Penguins usually tend
to socialize with other penguins rather than sniugnep, mainly because the
grammar is different in reverse, which makes for an odd dialect to interpret.
Penguins with the gift of dyslexia are often recruited as interpreters.
It is also difficult for a niugnep, who will always have
just arrived at the end of the conversation.
5. Agents of socialization:
The first penguins on Charon
developed their own system of squawks and flipper motions to communicate.
This system quickly developed into more articulate sounds and gestures
that were influenced by the language of scientists who were studying their
ancestors. These penguins were using the Earthen language that was discovered
in the year Negative 1982 (2001 Earth time).
6. Adolescents:
Characteristics:
When adolescence begins, penguins and sniugnep alike
gradually shift through the color spectrum from red to purple, forcing them
to be in the visible color spectrum.
Problems:
The color shift is a long and awkward process that takes
two to three Earth years. It can be especially awkward as they pass through
the green part of the spectrum because they can easily be mistaken for someone
who is about to spontaneously combust.
Dating:
Most penguins wait until they have completed the transition
to purple to start dating because being in the visible color spectrum makes
them incredibly self-conscious.
7. Deviance and Social Control:
Deviance:
In time-zones with the technology, many adolescent penguins
will dye their feathers a color close to purple to make themselves look older.
Crime:
It is seriously frowned upon for a resident of Charon
to intentionally change future events that others know as the past, especially
by introducing new ideas to other time-zones. The most serious crime on Charon
is disturbing the balance of the space-time-continuum.
Punishment
:
Depending on the severity of the rift in the space-time-continuum,
such a disturbance can be punishable by forcing the penguin to semi-spontaneously
combust. In more sever cases, a niugnep is recruited to prevent the penguins
birth.
8. Social Stratification:
System :
Those living toward the end of a time period – and living
in that direction – tend to have a higher status in the community because
they supposedly “have a better feel for the times.”
Mobility
:
For one to move up in the world, one only needs to wait
for one’s superiors to spontaneously combust. Moving down is even easier
as a superior niugnep may snap into existence at any time. This makes advancement
especially difficult for those living in the opposite direction that the
time zone is progressing.
9. Racial and Ethnic
Relations:
Ethnicity
:
As in Earth’s history, the traditions and ideals of
Charon changed over time. This evolution of culture produced various unique
cultures in the different time zones. (i.e. Cave dwelling penguins in
the Central Time Zone, cowboy penguins in the Western Time Zone, etc.)
Minority Groups
:
Every now and then a penguin or niugnep is born into
a slower time frame, living at only a fraction of the speed of the rest of
the world. This is known as Temporal Continuance Disorder (TCD).
10. Patterns of
Group Relations:
Discrimination
and Prejudice:
Many time zones that have developed school systems are
segregated to separate penguins from niugnep. They believe that knowledge
of each others past could lead students to tamper with history.
Treatment
:
Although penguins with TCD are appropriately referred
to as “slow witted,” they prefer the term “Chronologically Challenged.”
Many of the more advanced time-zones, while trying to provide equal treatment,
consider the chronologically challenged to be handicapped. Because of this,
these penguins usually migrate toward the medieval time zones, where they
are renowned for their long life span and extensive knowledge of the ages.
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